I was told to go to the gym today. I honored this command. I felt good afterwords. Wonderful endorphins.
I weight 129lbs.
I want to weight 115lbs.
I ran 7 laps.
I walked 8.
I did 150 crunchs.
I really just want to feel like I'm good enough. I don't. In fact I feel this small.
I really hate myself sometimes. There are theories that submissive are those who have no sense of self worth or confidence. I used to be in denial. Tonight not so much.
I had the nerve tonight to tell my Master he is not good enough as a Master. I was wrong. I am not good enough as a slave.
I now have a list of rules. If they are not followed. I am severely punished. maybe it's what I need, but at the same time I don't want the compassion to go away. I am scared, but he's right. I brought this on myself.
I love Him. I will obey.
It's my only hope.
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