Changes...

It's been a while..

I graduated... I've had a million life experiences shoved into two months since.

Tonight I sit here. Sick to my stomach. Unable to stop crying. Unable to sleep. I'm not hormonal right now... I'm not irrational... I am fearing and grieving. I am sad and confused.

Relationships are painful. Mostly because you can't read the other persons mind. I may be a submissive, but in the real world our feelings are just like every other vanilla persons out there.

I've grown. I'm changing. I'm an adult and I'm ready to live my life. 

I don't know what to do. I've prayed. I need help and guidance. I feel alone. I feel like I'm crying out and no one can hear me. I haven't felt like this is a long long time.

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God has mysterious ways of doing things... it's about 3 hours, a best friend conversation and a major sign from  God later.

I'm sorry I'm like this. I just really love you and I don't understand some things or decisions, but I'm gonna trust that we'll end up happy and love each for the rest of our lives. We need to bring God back into our relationship.

I may get depressed about it again, but it's because I care. I care enough to make sure I get to have you in my life forever.

I miss you more then you know. <3 Your Buttafwy