I ended up going to the doctor after that last post because I was on a complete downward spiral and despite how my Master and I feel about pills and medication, I knew at that point I needed help.
The Doctor Visit
Went I got to the doctors office I was completely depressed, but calm. I people watched while I waited and took the time to breathe. For that time I didn't have to worry about packing or moving. I already felt a little better. The nurse who did the preliminary stuff was about 19. She asked me about my long-distance relationship because her long term boyfriend had just moved. After waiting a little while longer the doctor came in. I told her my situation and my symptoms and that's when she prescribed me a very low dose of Xanax which is a calming drug. It prevents anxiety and panic. As we were talking we heard a girl in the other room yell "OMG I'm Pregnant!!! I don't know what I'm going to do! I'm going to have a breakdown!"
The doctor and I burst out in laughter and she said "At least you don't have that problem."
Moving
I tried not to think to hard for the next couple of days. Xanax definitely helped. I was calm and I felt normal for the first time in a week, but I didn't want to jinx it. Eventually we made it to the apartment on Saturday. Unpacked, went shopping, but I still had the nagging homesickness feeling. It also rained the entire time which didn't help. It took four Xanax's to make it through from Thursday to Saturday night when my parents finally said good-bye.
Adjusting
That night my Master's family was having a poker night and I wasn't ready to sleep at my apartment yet. We headed over to his house for some food and socialization. I felt okay by the time I got there. The next day we hung out with his family and I spent the night at his house again because I felt homesick most of the day. The next day he dropped me off at my apartment and I figured out that it wasn't so bad being alone. I took a really nice hot shower, did some errands, hung out with m Master and then decided to get a TV. Yes. I bought my very first 42" VIZIO TV with my Master. (Thanks M. ) Yesterday I did nearly nothing.
Due to the fact that someone has been using the same SSN as mine, I have not been able to start working. That's right... I have a brand new apartment and 42" TV, but no income. Am I scared? Yes. Am I going psychotic again... thank God no. But I am angry. For Monday it was fine. Tuesday okay. Today I'm getting antsy. I'm supposed to be starting my big girl job, but I can't until this gets worked out. I have bills I need to pay now and I'm going to get bored and experience increased homesickness if I keep sitting in my apartment all day... like I am now a little.
The main point of this post is that I'm feeling normal again. I have some homesickness, but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm not crying anymore and I'm excited that I have my own apartment. Now if only my job would start, and I could afford a few more pieces of furniture. lol
Here's to an new adventure with my Master : ) I am no longer in a LDR!!!
congratulations sexi! keep yourself busy..take walks, if possible (that relieves tension), keep the TV or radio on at all times, so there is noise...get a cat or dog(?)
ReplyDeleteHave confidence in yourself - YOU CAN DO THIS!
In no time at all, you and your Mastger will look back and be proud of you for making all the baby steps you have made to attain your goal(s).
May all your dreams manifest into realities :0
*hugs*
kitten{SirW}