It's good to be back = )

So it's been awhile and I apologize. After graduating time and life became a blurr and before I knew it I had a million different things going on at once. I am no longer a "college" kinkster. I am an adult; as I will be 22 in a few days.

I am still with my Master. I am still submissive. I am still a vibrant and intellectual young women.  I miss writing on here which is why I'm starting back up again.

I really want some real life friends interested in this lifestyle. It's hard to find them. I could be working with some and never know it. We like to hide our lives because of the pressures of the outside world which is why I feel lonely in this lifestyle sometimes.

Sooooo if you live in the Richmond area, let me know. I really want to chat. (and I mean girls not guys).

What happens after Happily Ever After?

Do you ever notice how about 99% of movies and stories end with a happy ending? The guy gets the girls... the world is saved from the aliens... the bad guy dies... the superhero clears his name... but what happens after?

In the real world there will always be mishaps and wrong turns, mistakes and tears... but in the end maybe the happily ever after is going through that stuff with the person you love.

I had a great weekend with Him once again. Always when we are together its easy. When we are apart it feels like someone or something is ripping away at my soul.

This past week before He came to visit I spent 4 days in my bed watching "Friends" re-runs and playing video games. I developed insomnia making it almost 4am before I could fall asleep at night. Then on Thursday He was here with me.

When we are together it's amazing. When He has to leave I feel like I won't be whole again. My chest gets tight.. tears well up and I wonder when we will get our happily ever after.

Even through tears and pain of saying good-bye there is also the amazing feeling of seeing Him again, hugging and kissing Him hello.

I <3 Him.

Changes...

It's been a while..

I graduated... I've had a million life experiences shoved into two months since.

Tonight I sit here. Sick to my stomach. Unable to stop crying. Unable to sleep. I'm not hormonal right now... I'm not irrational... I am fearing and grieving. I am sad and confused.

Relationships are painful. Mostly because you can't read the other persons mind. I may be a submissive, but in the real world our feelings are just like every other vanilla persons out there.

I've grown. I'm changing. I'm an adult and I'm ready to live my life. 

I don't know what to do. I've prayed. I need help and guidance. I feel alone. I feel like I'm crying out and no one can hear me. I haven't felt like this is a long long time.

..........................................................................................................................................................................
God has mysterious ways of doing things... it's about 3 hours, a best friend conversation and a major sign from  God later.

I'm sorry I'm like this. I just really love you and I don't understand some things or decisions, but I'm gonna trust that we'll end up happy and love each for the rest of our lives. We need to bring God back into our relationship.

I may get depressed about it again, but it's because I care. I care enough to make sure I get to have you in my life forever.

I miss you more then you know. <3 Your Buttafwy

Where Do I Go From Here?

Within four weeks my life has changed dramatically. I wrote little blurbs in a word document to keep up for my next blog post, but now it's a short novels length so I will quickly sum everything up.

An impeccably long list of recent life changing experiences.   

1. I'm waiting in the lobby to take an exam and a pirate walks through the door. All decked out in Pirate gear, straight out of Pirates of the Caribbean. He winked at me and continued walking.
2. I experienced my first tornado. It landed right in front of my apartment building. We get an alert text from my University telling us to seek shelter... and what do all the college students do? Run outside to gawk at the tornado forming above our heads. I landed in the field across from us. I had nightmares for a week.
3.  Osama is "dead". According to news reports; my generations face of fear is gone for good. I put it in quotation marks for those who think he's being interrogated in some super secret United States underground bunker. 
4. Run-In with Cops #1: I got yelled at by a cop. This is what happened: I stopped for a second to pick up a friend and got out to shuffle a few things in the back seat to make room. All of a sudden I hear "What do you think your doing?! You can't just park here like this! You better move this car or else! That's why we have loading zones! Use some common sense GEEZ!" I was scared. I jumped in my car, drove to a parking spot and cried. He freaking all out yelled at me. He didn't even give me a chance. I proceeded to call campus police and report him. : )
5. Run-In with Cops #2: I went home for a little before graduation and went to my cousins dance recital. My mom decided to drive my grandmothers car. It was dark, the lights were supposed to be automatic. She keep saying..."are the lights on? Watch a cop pull me over! I can't see!" Grandma was in the passengers seat gripping the car going "Well that's not good!" My sister and I are in the back laughing our asses off and what  makes it better??? Flashing blue lights! Mom proceeds to say "told ya." The cop walks up, my sister and I are trying to suppress our uncontrollable laughter as mom explains the situation to the cop. "I didn't know where the lights are because it's not my car..." the cops says well lets turn those on before we get back on the road." He clicks them on for mom and then lets us go. The whole time we could see he was trying to suppress his laughter as well.
6. Whew....... anyway.... my Dad also went on a white water rafting trip on class four rapids, fell out, got pulled under twice, scraped the crap out of his body and still survived. His many years of scouting, military and survival training had nothing to do with it (sarcasm). Thank God.
7. I graduated. The ceremony was four hours and 1,000 people got their degree. I don't feel any more intelligent then I did in high school.Why didn't I go for psychology or English? My grandmother had a family party for me at her house that had catered food. All of which was delicious. I also am no longer a poor college student. I am a rich graduate. (I forgot people get money when they graduate.)
8. I come home to find out my parents not only bought a new car, but my little brother has his license. Weird. 
9. They also got rid of the satellite and phones. We now have internet TV which basically means all we have is netflix which only plays old movies and reruns of TV shows. ick. On a side note I watched the entire series of Dollhouse which I became quickly addicted to.
10. I found out not an hour ago that a friend from high school (whom I rather envied for always being himself and not giving a fuck as to who judged him for it) passed away. I found out on the news feed of my facebook where I also found out he had been at a local underground club last night. I'm sad we didn't keep in touch after high school. Who knows? We may have had more in common then I thought. RIP M.S.

That is basically the timeline of the past few weeks. I have more to write about how my life is changing significantly and I can feel a change in my personality as well. I'll write about that in another post.

Role Reversal Without Even Realizing

Today is Monday. Personally, this is no ordinary Monday. This is the last Monday of taking classes I will every have. I sit here and it's almost surreal. I don't feel like I am graduating, but come May 14th I will no longer be a student. Scary.

The other day Master and I were talking about the future and such. We realized something. We are both currently at different levels of education. Nether of us is more intelligent then the other (there is a pleasant balance); however, we learn and go through school differnelty. I am very proactive and fast paced in the way I do things where as He takes His time, He is patient (a quality I envy) and He works very hard to complete the task at hand.

It turns out I do have a dominant position in the relationship. When it comes to education, I know what it takes, where to go, how to plan it out (hints graduating in 3 years), but when it comes to street smarts and useful everyday social skills and knowledge, he has me beat. When we are apart, I have mostly the handle on the relationship. When we are together... I am in His domain.

Our relationship is so much more then a power exchange. It's a balance. Where I am shy, he is outgoing. Where I know how to beat the system, He knows how to apply knowledge. Where I need help keeping control, He is control. 

Yin and Yang, Sun and Moon, Dawn and Dusk, Boy and Girl, Dom and sub.

I love our relationship. After 6 years I can still say it is for lack of a better word. Perfect.

Love You Master

^^^^^      ^^^^^

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^^^^^

^^^

^

Forever Your Darling Butterfly

Count down to graduation....with attitude.

I have been super busy with school, looking for jobs, and my organizations. That's why I dropped form the radar

First thing I want to write about is my visit to see Master this past weekend. It was short and bitter-sweet as always.

The moment I got there he came out to greet me and get my luggage, but once the door closed he did something I didn't expect.

Right away He told me to get in the waiting position and wait for Him.

He walked away and put my luggage in my room. I had an adrenaline rush because he never took control like that right away before. I sat there in anticipation.

He came back and told me to crawl to His room. I gave Him an are-you-serious look and He gave me His better-do-it-or-else look. I crawled into His room and he followed behind me a shut the door. I sat there and He came up behind me petting me and calling me a good girl. (I llllloooovvveeee when he does that. It's so comforting.)

and then... the rest is, well, self explanatory. hehe

I loved that, but it soon trailed off/lost steam. Sometimes He does that.

I figured out that my reaction to Him not being consistent in His was is acting like a total brat.

I get bitchy and bratty. It's an instant reaction. It's like words come out of my mouth before I think. I really really don't mean too, but I feel like when He's not controlling me or He's allowing the bitchy attitude to continue, it gets worse. I can't stop being bratty. I don't know why and then I always feel bad later.

Well the beginning of the weekend was great when it came to the domination, but after we were done having sex, it was over. So the whole weekend I had an attitude. I know I did and I feel bad about it. Then the next night I kept complaining that I wanted an orgasm. Finally He said get the handcuffs and your rabbit, which I did. I laid down on the bed as He put his rechargeable batteries in it (I can't afford batteries right now) He walked over and handcuffed me to the bed. Then proceeded to throw the rabbit on the floor and start fucking me himself.

The fucker tricked me!

I was a little peeved, but I liked it. hehe. I wasn't going to admit that at the time. It was like and sexual interrogation. (Okay sounds kinda dorky, but whatever)

Anyway, the last night I was there I got sick, again. It happened the last time I was about to leave Him, the last like three times. Pattern?

I think I get sick everytime we leave eachother because I'm tired of it. The panic and anxiety of having to say good-bye causes me to get sick. Ugh.

Anyway, I have a ton of work and three weeks to do it until I graduate, so I may be AFK (gamer geek language for away from keyboard) for a little. Don't hesitate to e-mail me if you feel like talking : )

<3 Ellie

Control...isn't that what we are all after?

Control over...

Emotions
Weight
Homework
People
Society
Politics
War
Hunger
Poverty
Clutter
Ourselves
Dietary habits
Exercise habits
Appearance

I feel that I have control over none of these things therefore I relinquish it to Him.

Miss you <3

An annoying self-pity rant.... more for my own benifit.

This post isn't really meant for readers. I just need to rant.

1. I barley slept last night.

2. I woke up this morning thinking He was laying next to me then suddenly remembered that He isn't an I still have three more weeks until I see Him again...maybe even four with my schedule.

3.I tripped over my power cord last night and my computer went crashing to the floor. Now it won't start and I have a ton of work due in the next two weeks.... luckily I saved some files and now I am using a loner.

4. I forgot I had something due in class this morning and now I am behind.

The first day without Him is always the worst.

Oh yeah.... I have less then $40 left in my bank account and as submissive as I am I hate being financially dependent; however, this seems like something I should get used to according to my Master. 

Distraction > Wallowing

Every visit is bittersweet. I am sitting here eating Hersheys chocolate, indulging in a glass of Red Diamond Merlot and watching a funny/romantic movie about long-distance relationships all in an effort to distract myself from the fact that a I only got 2 days with Him after a 6 week absence.

What else can I do? Distraction is better then wallowing for the one-hundredth time over something out of my control. 

This weekend was amazing. Starting with the moment we saw each other. We must have been embraced in each others arms for 10 minutes before we realized that neither of us had eaten all day out of anticipation for seeing each other. So we went and had some Hibachi. YUM!

So He can be very patient as a Master. I tend to have a serious attitude problem.I know when I should and shouldn't give Him attitude. This weekend He was dead set on helping me learn when attitude is and isn't okay. Every time I snapped or talked back when unnecessary *WHAP*. Eventually I got the idea.

Let's just say there are some painful welts on my ass and I am now afraid of Italian leather belts... kinda hehe. 

Something else I realized this weekend is that there is no reason to be embarrassed for anything when I am with Him. He has seen me at my best and worst. He's been with me through every miserable hospital trip and every debilitating panic attack brought on from pain (which happened again this weekend). I get embarrassed about these things (There are some details about these moments that I am leaving out for the benefit of others). This weekend I felt embarrassed about something, but He pulled my chin up to look into His eyes and told me I have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about around Him.He said that He has always been there for me that wouldn't change. 

That means the world to me. 

Anyway, sleeping with Him Friday night was amazing. I curled up in His strong arms (yummy hehe) and we slept with our warm bodies pressed against each other. He held onto me for a good majority of the night. If He did let go, He'd eventually roll back over and hold me once again.

Our weekend was filled with laughs, sex, kinks, movies and food. Amazing.

We went to see Red Riding Hood  in which Master and I both agree there were many possible kink/S&M references. Or maybe our minds were in the gutter haha. Overall is was a pretty good movie. The music was awesome.

This weekend is over, spring break is over and now I have to get back to work. I have less then 60 days before I graduate. HOLY CRAP! it still dosn't feel really. It also means the next few weeks are gonna be hell with papers and projects. 

At least I will be distracted until I get to see Him again.

: ' (

Oh yeah and sorry to disappoint... but the nipple piercings didn't happen. We decided that we like to play with my nipples way to much to wait for them o heal, plus I would probably always be worried about them. 

Mental Helplessness.

I get into these mental states where I want to cower away from the world or revert to my 7^th grade state of mind where I was basically mute around people and went with the flow day to day. This once a month condition is completely mentally debilitating to me. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if decisions I had made are for my benefit or if I am trying to make someone else happy. It is a very confusing time. Hints why I want to lock myself away from the world for this time period. I don’t want to make any irrational decisions or say anything to cause anger. 

I hate it.

Master struggles with this in a different way. Many times He is very good a keeping me calm, distracting me, and even bringing me out of the mental darkness. Sometimes though, He just doesn’t know what to do. Only once had He lost His temper because nothing He was attempting was getting through. I feel for Him.

Then on this side, what do I do. I feel helpless and vulnerable to my emotions. It’s like this transition of mind that happens every so often that I can’t do anything about except ride out.

Helpless.

I have noticed; however, some things that generally trigger this state of mind revolve around my relationship. I can’t pinpoint it, but I know there are triggers there. 

I was laying in bed last night and He asked “What are you thinking?” I just couldn’t speak, I couldn’t tell Him. I am not very good at voicing my feelings and thoughts. I’m not sure if it is out of embarrassment or the fact that I don’t want to plague Him with my emotions (even though He says that’s what He’s there for). All I could think was how much I couldn’t wait to blog about this because then He could read and understand. On paper it seems I can’t stop the words from flowing out; so much different then when I am speaking to someone.This is where I speak.

Today is Wednesday. I see Him Friday. Time is not going fast enough.

What a real Man is.

You know i find it ironic how Women always say they are looking for a man, yet the world has made a mans place neither suitable nor encouraged. In fact when a man acts like a real man to stand up for those lesser than he. It turns out the world we live in Actually wants BOY's whom cannot do anything less it be Vulgar, Sick, and easily lead to his own destruction and moral Corruption.

The way i feel is that all real MEN should feel. To better the world, and leave it purer that that which we were born into. Chivalry died due to society saying a man shouldn't be anymore. I say we Take it back..........

A man should never be afraid to show his lover/Girlfriend/Wife how he truly feels. Through loving and caring embraces, and long passionate kisses. A man can be both strong to the outer world and soft hearted to his woman, he should also show this side of him and never not tell her that he loves her UNCONDITIONALLY for in the world of today we love only under Conditions.

Just a few thoughts i felt like getting out hopefully some of you share my feelings in this matter.

M

Hell Week Part One (school wise) = Over!

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Piercings and Procrastination

Here’s the scoop of the week…

     

1.  Master is now contributing to my blog. I thought it would be cool for readers to see things from both our point of views. I’m also very excited because He also expresses Himself and ideas better in the form of words. If anyone has any questions you can e-mail me or Him. Also, I’m sure He’d welcome ideas since we are both growing in this life style and learning together
2. I’m doing it! I’m getting nipple piercings!!!! I am so excited, and thanks to a follower that I have befriended lately who gave me some insight (Panda's property), I am more sure now than ever that I want to really do this! I’ll be getting them done when Master comes to visit the Friday after this one. I’ll post pictures after. So excited!!!
3.  I passed my Exit exam so it’s official. I’m going to be a big girl out in the working world. That is if I pass all my classes (which is extremely likely).
4. I have a ton of work to do for school, so I will be cutting myself off from blogger and fetlife this week. I have already cut myself off from facebook. However I am still going to be checking e-mail, so I will see all comments and answer any e-mails.

Finally I think I am going to start recommendations for blogs that I really enjoy reading. My first one that I think you should check out is Panda's property - Owned,Collared,Loved. It’s a very honest account of her growth and life. It’s very similar to mine as far I have read and very enjoyable to read!

Happy Reading! 

<3 Ellie

P.S. I felt like being colorful today : )

Hello Everyone

I am Ellie's Master I am pleased to hear that you are enjoying her blog and want everyone to know that I am very proud of her, and all of her accomplishments. This is the First of many posts I will be contributing to help everyone get a picture into our lives, a sight from both angles if you will.

Sincerely,

M

Frustration

It's just not fair. I sometimes don't think Master understands how bad I not only want complete domination, but absolutely need it. NEED IT.

I really wish He would just walk through the door right now, and take my body and mind completely over right now. I need it. I am going insane. My anxiety is coming back and it scares me. When He is in control it fades into nothingness... since he has been away so long it's been slowly creeping back. And right now at this moment it is eating away at me.

What I need right now is hard, raw, domination.

When I say I need it. I am not playing around. I need it. To keep my life in balance.

or at least I need these depressed, anxiety ridden feelings to please go away... please...

I'm desperate right now...

Love Letter

Yesterday, I received a love letter in the mail from my Master. This love letter will probably be one of my most precious treasures for the rest of my life.

Everything used in the composure of this letter was classic and elegantly old fashioned. The parchment had an aged color to is and He had used actual deep purple sealing wax to seal it. In the picture above I used paint to block out my real name and write my pseudonym on top in order to keep my animosity, that's why that block looks strange.

It was written in real ink with a real quill pen. The thought and effort that is took to create such a romantic classic letter makes this my favorite and most personal gift every given to me by anyone. 

In the letter He writes how in love He has been since the day we met and the emotions He feels because we are long-distance. He uses sweet and descriptive metaphors to convey these feelings. After I had finished reading this, I declared myself the luckiest, most loved girl on the planet. I am so happy in this relationship it is unreal.

I miss Him and I love Him, I will write back.

Serane Wrap and Avocados

It's so funny. One of my closests friends is an art major... she has to wrap her body in serene wrap. She isn't a lifestyler and kinda knows I am. She doesn't really know about the D/s part nor does she understand it's a lifestyle per say. She does know that I am kinky though.

So whenever she walks in going... "I have to wrap my body in serene wrap"... I crack up. lol

Anyway... this whole diet and exercise plan thing is going awesome, and since I have finally found a successful way to eat healthy, yummy, food and exercise without deviating from my plan and feeling starved I'm thinking of writing about it. I am not sure in what form quite yet. For now my inspirations will linger on this blog.

2 Weeks ago I started an exercise plan. 3 days a week going to the gym mixing cardio with core training at 7am. Then on the weekends I am doing strength training at home. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my rest periods.

It took about a week to realize that I should probably change my diet too. So I set off on the internet searching for healthy and tasty recipes and succeeded gratefully. The first sandwich I made was a Mediterranean  Tuna Panini... it was soo good. Today I made a Havarti, Avocado and Ham Melt. It was sooooo good. Everything I read on the internet said that avocado was a good substitute for mayo. They were right. Very good for you, filling and tasty. I also eat an hard boiled egg every morning and drink green tea. I still drink soda occasionally and I still eat out, but I am more careful about what time of the day I am eating, what I choose off of fast food menus and it helps that I have an extremely useful app on my i-pod.

It's called My Fitness Planner or something like that and it tracks how many calories I eat. It's extremely accurate and helps to tell me if I am eating too much or too little and if I am getting the right amount of nutrients. What I eat for dinner depends on how many calories I have left to "spend" on my planner. On Fridays I allow myself to indulge a little and go over.. especially if I have worked hard.

In one week of implementing this new healthy schedule... I have lost a pound. : ) 130 now and 15 to go. I'm short and according to my BMI 115 is the ideal weight for me. 

+

I will look sexier the next time Master sees me ; )

P.S. I miss you Master.

I need....

My Master. 

I need Him. 

I cannot wait any longer. 

I want the domination. 

I need the control. 

Now. 

Please.

My Head is Going to Explode

1. I'm horny as hell and I haven't seen my Master in 4 weeks.
2. He just told me to stretch out my Ass with my butt plug. It hurt. But the fact that He was commanding me to do it turned me on so much.
3. I'm stressing because I have so many projects due soon.
4. My room is a mess and I have no motovation what so ever to clean it up.
5. I'm so tired and I don't know why.

I'm feeling out of control...ugh.

I went to the gym and made an awesome lunch though which has made my day okay.

This was kind of just a vent.

Productivity is Lacking

Today has not been productive nor has it felt productive.

I blame the absence of my workout this morning. No... scratch that... I blame my arguing roommates (bf & gf) that thought it necessary to stay up all night (and I mean alllllll night) yelling at eachother aboiut something stupid.

I had planned to go to the gym this morning at 6:30am and I was very excited about it too. : ( But I was kept awake alllll night.

Anyway... PRODUCTIVITY

I have a huge exit exam on Monday that I'm scared out of my mind I won't pass. If I do not pass I do not graduate.

"Do not pass go, do not collect $200"

I havn't really started studing for it yet, but it's kind of like a standardize test for my major. How do I study for that? Today I have had no motivation what so ever.

I also have a million deadlines comming up for projects, papers, presentations...ect. 

And since I have not seen my Master and we have laid off the D/s thing recently (not for any specific reason... we just havn't been doing that stuff...busy), I am starting to get bored and feel unproductive, plus I need a little "Master-Time" 

I keep dreaming and thinking about Him and his strong body walking towards me with a deviant, dangerous, dark look in his eyes. He is calm though and stern. MMMMM how I miss that.

I also miss the sweet things too. The goofiness, the kisses, the hugs, and laying in bed together. 

I miss all of it. 

I have a feeling that the lack of "Master" has lead to my feeling unproductive. We do talk all the time, but it's just not the same as seeing Him. 

Oh yeah, and I have a new rule = No Masturbating unless He is on the phone with me. 

I will gladly OBEY.

I Own the Track

At 7 am I own the track. The silence and sweat is exhilarating. Now, I don’t feel right unless I workout in the mornings. There is something about it that makes me feel, fulfilled, accomplished, calm, and happy.

Today has been beautiful. I woke up this morning at 7, ran a few laps, did a few crunches, and enjoyed the wonderful breezy morning. Everything in my classes went smoothly. I consulted with my Master on what to have for lunch and settled on a chik-fil-a grilled chicken salad with my own special mix of ranch and buffalo sauce dressing.  Here I am, currently, sitting in my living room enjoying the rain storm. 

I love days like theses; days where I don’t have to wear a jacket and I feel like I look good even when simply sporting a university t-shirt. 

Master found got a good job with a decent pay so it seems things are starting to go back to normal for us and when I start working everything will be stable. We will be able to start visiting each other again soon. I miss him very much and I think this temporary distance and separation has been good for us even though it sucks at the same time. 

Anyway Happy Monday all!

Third Time's the Charm

So first off I am going to start with the typical apology for not writing in a while that everyone gives after they feel they havn't written in while so here it goes.... ahem...

Dear readers.... I apologize that I haven't written in a while. I have been a very busy butterfly. (I like butterfly better then bee)

Okay now that that's out of the way,

Due to financial restrictions and bad luck on both our parts, my Master was not able to make his bi-weekly visit. We are both sexual frustrated and emotionally drained because we love each other so much and cannot see each other for a while.

I have been very very busy this past week with HW and such which was extremly stressful so all my submissive tendencies had been put to the back of my mind for a while, but I'm back.

For those who have read past posts... I have attempted twice to start an exercise routine and stick to it. The second attempt worked for break, but when I came back to school it got all screwed up. Here starts my third exercise routine attempt that will put my on the path to my 115 lb. goal.

Motivation = Since my Master and I will not see each other for a few weeks I would like to be in amazingly jaw draping shape when he does see me. The idea that I am doing this for Him as well as myself gives my the motivation. (Also the look on His face that I'll get... hehe)

So here is how it's going to succeed the third time.

I am going to get up and go to the gym three days a week at about 7:00am..

Why this will work:

• No one will be there at 7am (This is college) so I won't be so self-concious.
• I will have amazing energy for the rest of the day.
• I will only burn stored fat because I will not have eaten yet.
• I don't have to worry about events for my organizations being scheduled during my gym time therefore messing up my routine and breaking my habit which would cause me to stop going.
• It's quiet and pretty in the morning. I don't have to deal with loud obnoxious college students because they generally stay up late to be loud and obnoxious and then sleep in AKA my me and gym time! :)
• I won't have the excuse that I'm too tired from class so I can't go. 

I feel like this is my best plan yet. In fact I encourage you all to comment here to make sure I have done my daily routine for the next couple of weeks becuase the more encouragement I get the better : )

It has occured to me...

There are some things I really want to write about, but possibly even let my friends and relatives see and read. So I'm probably going to make another blog with my more... main stream happenings in life. The thing is I didn't want to have to separate the two. I would like to be able to write about both main stream and alternative lifestyle, but I can't have my younger siblings and grandparents reading about this lol.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this here. I guess it's because (like I said in an earlier post) this has become my journal where people can comment and I can can say anything without anyone knowing who I am. So I can get the feedback needed while keeping my animosity. (My name isn't really  Ellie Taylor it's a  pseudo name)

 At the same time I want to be able to write freely, not having to worry about what I censor, and not care about what people think. It's almost ironic. I started this blog so that I had a place to do this and now it seems I am having the same issue on the internet. Funny how things work.

I love love. It is

I love love. It is the most amazing sensation to be in love or to witness the glow surrounding those in love.

My Brain Is Working Again

Today, for once in a long time, I felt intelligent and realized what had been causing me to feel like I was becoming dumber and dumber for the past three years since high school… classroom discussion. Every time I have an intellectual classroom discussion I feel my critical thinking skills, ideas and opinions flowing through my brain. I am able to articulate better and I’m wondering if active classroom discussion stimulates a part of the brain?

I realized this morning when, because of our delay of school, my teacher decided to have a classroom discussion about topics and issues surrounding University dealings so that we would not stray ahead of the other section/class. After having intellectual conversations, debating back and forth, and coming up with visions, strategies and objectives, I suddenly feel like my brain is working again.