Under His Control...Literally

This is my second post and an entirely new subject.

hyp·no·sis [hip-noh-sis]

noun, plural hyp·no·ses [-seez] 

1. an artificially induced trance state resembling sleep, characterized by heightened susceptibility to suggestion.

It's absolutely exhilarating. Did I think it would really work, I had my doubts and so did he, but when I came out of it I couldn't figure out if it was real or I had been struck by the placebo effect.

M visited me this weekend and had suggested that he wanted to try hypnosis on me. I thought it would be fun, but when it came down to it he changed his mind. I kept asking why and he said he was fighting with his conscious. I think having that much control over me scared Him. He loves me dearly and I think he likes that I am able to make my own choices, but the primal dominant side wanted to be able to give me a command that I would complete without question. (I say no and wine alot) 

I wanted Him to try it and honestly the idea turned me on. Plus I was feeling really anxious about some issues I was having at work. I felt the anxiety was taking over me. I finally looked at him and said can you do it so I can relax and relax I did.

He has a natural soothing tone to him. His voice has always been extremely calming to me so I should have known that it would work.

He counted down telling me to relax my feet and legs and that's all I remember about the count down...lol

Then I remember somethings he said I guess after I was under. I remember Him saying I will remember he said these things, but it's kind of a dream like memory. I remember telling me that when he says an Italian word I will instantly relax and be happy or something like that.... I remember Him saying that I will do everything he says without question and that I can't say no to Him. 

And then I remember opening my eyes and Him staring at me. At first I was like why are you looking at me weird and then I remembered what was happening. 

And from that point on I couldn't say No. He told me to do things and I wanted to. And even if my mind told me I didn't want to I wanted to make Him happy. And when I really really didn't want to do something and I tried to deny Him I couldn't. It was weird. Like I forgot how to say No or couldn't get the words together, kind of like how when your trying to remember a word and you say "it's at the tip of my tongue" but it never comes. 

But it was a liberating feeling. To be truly submissive and not be able to make excuses. I have found that I can beg and say no at indirect commands, but I can't directly say no and then it just becomes easier to do the task. 

  

I found this out because He told me to get nipple piercings, which I really, really don't want.  I tried to say no, but I couldn't get it out. I wanted to get them pierced, but my head was freaking out. It's a weird sensation when you want something, but don't at the same time. I begged. Instead of saying no I manged to say "please don't make me" in which M replied "okay". I have to beg now if I don't want something. I can't just say no. I have to put all new words together; however it comes out more polite and respectful then my typical attitude ridden no's used to.

My libido is back, I am more relaxed now... I don't know why I am more relaxed considering I don't think that has anything to do with his "You have to do whatever I say" command, but there is something different inside me and I like it.  It's freeing. 

If He could do that every time I felt full of anxiety I would never have to live with that dreadful feeling again.  It's an exciting ability M has, but scary with all that power... that's what turns me on the most. Thank God I can trust Him! 

I'm curious about others experience with hypnosis. I love you M. This is an exciting new area of exploration for the both of us!

<3 br="br" ellie="ellie">

Dear Anne Rice... You took the words right out of my mouth!

 My life has once again become filled with flavor, adrenaline, and light. My weekend was absolutely exhilarating.

I have two topics I want to write about. The first I will write here and the other I will create another post for.

Ever since I found out that Anne Rice (author of Interview With a Vampire/Queen of the Damned), had a pseudonym (like I do!), and wrote erotica novels with D/s themes I have wanted to read them. Today during my lovely hour long lunch at my first real job (p.s. I love btw) I went to Barnes and Noble on a sudden mission to finally purchase these books. I think it was also spurred by inspiration from this passed weekend, but that is what my next post is about... please read it.

Anyway, I literally just got done reading the Preface that Anne Rice wrote for The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. I had to jump out of my comfy bed blog about it, NOW!

Fifty Shades of Grey has now main streamed BDSM. What used to be in the dark depths of the underground is now coming to light in society and Anne is feeding off of it. She wrote a new Preface for the claiming of Sleeping Beauty this past June and it's by far the best preface I have ever not regretted skipping.

Every word is exactly how I feel about this lifestyle M and I are constantly exploring, it's "play", it's a way to escape reality and it's a way for people who take a lead role in their everyday lives to give in and become the passive one behind the scenes. Seriously, if you want to know how I feel about all of this (BDSM) read my blog or read Anne Rice's latest preface in her new edition of The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty because she sums up my many writings in a few short pages.

She is now someone I aspire to become. I've always wanted to be a writer, but I was always afraid to really write what I wanted to because of giving away my secrets to people I know. Anne talks about how she battled with this and how it was freeing to do it.

Ever since I have come out of the fog I was in a few months ago, things have become clearer. My talents and likes are beginning to seep back into my veins and I feel like myself. Even my  love of writing has been slowly coming back to me. And now that I've gotten a look into the mind of a women that thinks like I do I am more inspired to go for it and finally write that novel I've always wanted to under my pseudonym, Ellie Taylor.

Anne wrote that she had no idea when she wrote Queen of the Damned that Vampires where going to be a big thing, that they were going to go main stream and now she is attributing her new found excitement to Fifty Shades of Grey. Her books that she wrote years ago for an underground world are now seeing the sun.

As much as I disliked Fifty Shades of Grey, I have to say I feel more comfortable about who I am and what I like and what I want to write about then ever before, but don't misconstrue that as I'm going to go shouting to the world that I like to be gagged and told what to do. The world (being my family and friends) are not ready to hear that directly from me, but maybe, just maybe they are ready to hear it from Ellie Taylor.

<3 ellie="ellie" p="p">

 

I love my Job!

So I've done a complete 360 from January. It's beautiful outside, I love my job, I love my home, I love M and I'm loving life right now.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me, but I try to take a deep breath, think rationally and now that I have this past year to compare to my current situation it's easier to calm myself and remind myself of how lucky I am.

I spent last weekend with M. We played with our dog, played some lazer tag and kicked ass and hung out with friends. It was the most fun I've had in a while!

<3 br="br" ellie="ellie">