Changes...again.

M told me to write on my blog. So here it goes.

He is in the airforce. This I have come to terms with.

He and his family lives three hours away which feels like its right down the road almost now because we have been doing this distance since we were 17. (Now 23)

Now its already hard to deal with the airforce thing but I justify it in my mind this way... I'm happy for him. I am excited for our future. He has finalley found something that makes him happy, proud, and makes him feel confident and acomplished. It makes me so happy to see him soo happy.

His family will still be there with my baby (chazs German Shepard) and when he visits his family I can come see him too...only a drive away. But now... His dad got a position on the other side of the united states. They are leaving the east coast.

Now he will be gone, his family will be gone, no more 3 hour drives, no more weekend visits, Now it will be harder. Plane rides, months without seeing each other, and its already hard enough to maintain a relationship over the phone and text. Its not the same. At all.

For some reason it didn't hit me until I realized that his family is moving to the otherside of the united states. The realization that everything is dramatically changeing has once again hit me like a head on train.

I've officially decided... I DON'T LIKE CHANGE. Once upon a time it was exciting to me and now... everytime something changes it literally feels like a punch in the gut and shortness of breath.

I know its not going to be easy for him either and that hurts me too.

I'm so tired. I just want the waiting to be over.

I am beyond extatic that he has found his place and has found himself, but it hurts so so so so much to be apart. I just want to feel his arms around me. To curel up in bed with him. I want all these things that so many people take for granted. But alas... I wait some more until fate and God decides to brings us together.

I miss you M. And now I'm going to spend time with my family like you said to. I hope you sleep well. I love you M.