I just need this time...

I have to take this time to vent. The end of school is drawing to a close and I cannot for the life of me keep concentrating. I am having the hardest time in this world trying to concentrate. I am a finance major... why I choose this path when it least matches my personality I don't know. It really bugs me now and days that I did exactly what I grew up telling myself I wouldn't. Choose the path or money and not happiness. Why did I not choose to teach kindergartners?  Or study psychology (I have countless research ideas) or actually sit down and have the nerve to write a novel which I know I am fully capable of. What is this? Some sort of young adult crises? I find that I am regretting most of if not all of my life's decisions. The minute I graduate I want that to change. I want to do what makes me happy. Screw everyone else. Screw society.  

I will not be another sheep, another drone. 
I absolutely refuse.

I also wanted to post something that my loving man had wrote to me in an online conversation. I don't know why, but these words stuck with me. They were full of something... passion perhaps?

C:  (9:35 PM)

my little sub needs to be taught who is her master

C:  (9:35 PM) 

for to long I have been lenient on you, No longer

C:  (9:35 PM) 

your chains are in my hands

C:  (9:38 PM) 

your life at my finger tips

C:  (9:38 PM) 

your soul in my heart

C:  (9:38 PM) 

and my mind in yours

Every time I read this it makes me melt.I don't know why. Maybe because it has a lot of strength, trust, and passion? I'm not sure. I guess in these few words you can see the story of my life. 

My desperite need for some control, the bond, love and companionship me and him share, my devotion to something that is 100% me and that I am passionate about, where I get my strength confidence and comfort. I get confused and lost sometimes. My emotions have their own ways. 

I feel I cannot control them at times. I can't control my life either. What is left?

Some people turn to drink, some to drugs, some to ignorant sexual rampages, some to eating disorders, some harm themselves... so is it not plausible to say that the way I handle my stresses is healthier by putting my life, body and soul into someone elses hands? A third party who can observe and advise? Someone who cares for my health (physically and mentally) and safety?

And when that person that holds the key to everything you are says everything is going to be okay... this wave comes over you and then you know it will be. 

P.S. We are coming up on our 5th anniversary. We met when I was just 15. I am 21 now. Wow.