I don't know what happened. It seems like once I really started crying I just couldn't stop. My mom and dad keep telling me to do this and everyone else says I should be soooo excited, but I havn't been able to stop crying since friday. Give or take an hour or two. I've been completely depressed and I don't know how to shake it. I want to be happy and excited. I want to be okay, but I'm not. I have this terrible gut wrenching feeling of depression and loneliness. I don't remember ever feeling this bad. If I move out on my own I know it would be good for me.
But I can't get over the feeling that somethings very wrong. I can't pack, I can't call to set up my utilities and I haven't been happy in days.
What's wrong with me?
I want to be with Him so bad, but my feelings seem to be trumping that. I don't know what to do. I wish I could just cheer up.
I guess the bottom line is that I don't want to go, but then I'm afraid of what would happen in my relationship if I don't. I have the opportunity to be with Him after 6 years finally, but I can't stop freaking crying.
I feel like I jumped track somewhere. That I took a wrong turn. My life was going smooth and I was pretty happy. And now I can't seem to shake this extreme depression.
We Must Never Forget
10 years ago
ellie, it's not often I post to blogs, however this one is strife with sadness, so I feel as I would be remiss in not commenting. First and foremost, change is frightening yes, but also enlightning. Secondly, trust in your Master. I would hazard that if you are having personnel failures re: utilities etc, your Master will make sure you get on with it. Communication with your Master, openness in your sliding on things that need to get done will open an opportunity for your Master to get you sorted and back on track emotionally as well as confidently. My two cents worth. Sir W for kitten.
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